Love Life

THIS IS ME...

Can I just spend one minute in the middle of this fine Thursday afternoon to RANT about how much I LOVE LIFE lately???

I mean, I absolutely love it. I don't even know why - I just feel so happy inside.
Each morning, I wake up wondering if things could really be this good... and each morning, they really really are.

I was talking to Grant last night (hi Grant) and we were talking about how many "good days" in a row we have had... So, I ventured through my little pocketbook calendar and counted for overall good days (days where the positives outweighed the negatives and where I genuinely felt very happy to be alive) - and I had 31 before I hit a day where I questioned whether or not it was really a good one. Beyond that Sunday, there were more good days in a row.

I just don't get it - why is all this greatness coming at once?! Why am I so happy? I haven't experienced joy like this since I was a kid.
As I've mentioned to a few friends, it kind of scares me really - I feel like something major could just go wrong at any minute to take this joy away from me.

But - in the meantime, I'm going to praise the Name of God and live this up.
I only get to have one 19-year-old summer in my life - and so far, it will be one that I could never regret! :)

An Isaiah Summer

At the beginning of summer I decided I would take my time reading through the book of Isaiah.
Here is what caught my eye today....
Isaiah 17:10-11

"Why? Because you have turned from the God who can save you.
You have forgotten the Rock who can hide you.
So you may plant the finest grapevines
and import the most expensive seedlings.
They may sprout on the day you set them out;
yes, they may blossom on the very morning you plant them,
but you will never pick any grapes from them.
Your only harvest will be a load of grief and unrelieved pain."

Talk about depressing, huh?
But really - it just reminds me that everything in the world (but God) falls just short of fulfilling us.
If we live off of the earth, our seedlings will blossom... they will come up bright and beautiful; giving us certain hopes of a bountiful crop. We will run to our friends and neighbors and invite them over to see what our fields have in store for us. We will boast and brag and feel generally high inside knowing that our labor has paid off.
Then, hours, days, months, years later... we will look out our window to see that our once-promising crop has given us false hopes. What we assumed would bring us full stomachs, fortune, glamour and fame has turned its back on us... all our eyes see now is withering disappointment and all we can feel is our spirit crushing our already-heavily-labored backs.
It happens - (in real life) - to Christians all the time. We wonder why life is so hard, why our work never pays off, why everything is so busy, why we keep falling into temptation... but, perhaps, the thing we should really be wondering is what right we thought we had to wander out of the Lord's vineyard in the first place??
What were we in pursuit of that we couldn't find growing to perfection in that very field?

If we live off of heaven, feed out of the very hand of God, trust the labor he has done for us rather than pursue our own, then we will be fed exactly what we need on a daily basis. We may not always have more than we need - but we will have the essentials.
We don't have to go creating our own agendas and toils when God has already selected our very course of work. The course he has chosen will certainly not always be easy, but at least we will have a return of choice grapes and the heart of God hovering over our lives.

What, in my life, is proof that I am planting my own vineyard with imported seedlings?
What, in my schedule, proves that I put myself before the Lord?
In what areas am I finding disatisfaction and unfulfillment? How can I remind myself, everyday, that those areas are turning up void because I have turned from the God who has saved me?

I'm the kind of girl...

I’m the kind of the girl who… will always take it to heart when I hear someone has said something bad about me.

I’m the kind of girl who… is easily defeated by negative comments.

And… Although I know what God has said about pleasing Him rather man, I’m the kind of girl who is still trying to please both.

So, even though I had an excellent day today… when I got home and heard a little something negative… It started to eat away within me.

Apparently my uncle and grandpa read and discussed the Thank You Letter I sent out … and decided to remind me that it was their hard-work that allowed me to go in the first place. (See the part where I mention the refreshing pace of Ethiopia). They felt that I shouldn't be talking writing as if we can all just take off of work and do whatever we want.
That’s really it. They just thought I needed to be set straight on that. But even the thought of being talked about behind by back disturbs my heart.
I can just hear the back-and-forth negative agreement on how off-base I am. How young. How immature. How ungrateful. Blah blah blah.

I know this is so minor. I know it doesn’t really matter what they say. I know I am justified in feeling what I felt during that trip and I know my experiences are real. But having to hear this today just served as another reminder that I’m an outsider in my own family. The place I was born, the people I was raised by, the familiar surroundings here… they will never equate to complete acceptance or comfort.
But… God knows this. Maybe He intends on using it. Maybe, I feel this very sadness in my soul, this very discomfort in my own home, because His plans aren’t for me to sink my feet in here. If home was a cherry pie for me, maybe I would never be drawn to new locations.

Besides... I don't really like cherry pie anyways. Do you?

Titus 1:15,16

I read in Titus last night with Anna and Ryan last night...

" Everything is pure to those whose hearts are pure. But nothing is pure to those who are corrupt and unbelieving, because their minds and consciences are corrupted. Such people claim they know God, but they deny him by the way they live. They are detestable and disobedient, worthless for doing anything good. " (Titus 1:15,16)

.. and the verse just shows me that the motives of the heart are what determines the acceptability of the action. Which is great, also, in helping me remember that I am not worthy to judge other people's actions because I cannot see all of their motives. While sometimes we can discern that a person's motives are in the right or wrong place, other times we can't - but we still make a quick judgment based on what they did or said. And that's not really acceptable because "everything is pure to those whose hearts are pure."

Another thing I love about the verse, is the last part...
"... worthless for doing anything good."
I think that is so amazing because in this world, we are so quick to identify "good people."
"Oh, that woman is such a good person..."
or
"he's not a Christian, but he has a really good heart."
And really, if Christ isn't the center of our lives - purifying our hearts through and through - we really aren't good. No one is.
So the good things that people do, outside of Christ, are not actually good at all.
They serve to build up the individual rather than God. And this brings us right back to the motives of the heart... if we don't have pure hearts, we won't act out of pure motives, and we will not be able to do "good" in this world.
Our perception for what it 'good' needs to be centered in the reality of who God is and what He identifies as good.
People may argue that a good thing is a good thing regardless of who does it... but I would really venture to disagree... the 'good thing' might have some temporal, positive effects on the world - but if it has no eternal benefits, if it has no value in the sight of God - what good is that anyways?

Pleasantly Overwhelmed

I couldn't not blog tonight...

The love of God just captured me and I wanted to remember this night.
I sensed the holiness, purity, perfection, awesomeness, beauty and mercy of the Lord Most High.
I still cannot believe I serve such a God.

He isn't a God who grudgingly extends mercy (the way I often do when someone wrongs me), He DELIGHTS in taking His place at the mercyseat. He eagerly awaits the look on our face when we realize we have been forgiven again... and again. He wants to catch our attention all day.

I cried for the lost tonight... because I realized how intensely the Lord wants them. I want to commit my life to helping the lost find Jesus.

Jesus, what can I do for you?

What if it sucked?

I have always been a realistic person... someone that doesn't skirt around the truth or hold back the constructive criticism because the compliments just feel too good.
I am here to walk and act and live in Truth. And last week I was confronted (by Truth Himself) with a bit of a predicament. The plans I had made... and thought were ordained by God ... were pulled from under my feet. Day to day plans are no big deal to me... but these plans meant a lot and I had started to pour all of my passion into them.

When my placement coordinator e-mailed me last week to notify me that the cooperating teacher I was going to be working under in Kenya next fall for student teaching was going to be on home assignment (and therefore not able to help me out) ... I was crushed. The e-mail my coordinator sent me (which basically said a school in Africa was looking "out of the question") threw me into a fit of depressed, stressed, anger (sorry to say. . . directed mostly at God).
I didn't understand why God was giving me a passion that He was never fulfilling...
I didn't understand why He would make it so hard for me to secure a placement... and
I didn't understand why He would mess with my passion like that. I was thinking, afterall, that if I poured myself into a passion He gave me, I would find safety there. (The truth is, I seem to misplace my passion a lot).

Instead of finding safety, I just kept finding disappointing news after disappointing news in my e-mail inbox. (Since this is not the first time my placement fell through... I was just more certain and attached to the school this time).

After a couple days of thought and prayer, however, I have really come to terms with the Truth of my life.
The Truth is . . . it is 100% about Him. What God wants, God gets. End of story.
There is no sense in me poking my little finger into the tapestry to try to change the weaved pattern. He has plans. He has an order and pattern to follow. He knows what is best!
And even (*hesitates to say it*) . . . even if those plans seem (right now) to suck to me. . . they will still be carried out with my complete cooperation because He is more than me. He has paid a higher price. He is worthy. He has a complete view of and hold on this life and there is no reason I should fret about getting to Africa.

I'm sure this seems like a simple story that I will look back on and think "yeah, good thoughts Rachel" ... but right now, these really are more than just 'good thoughts' ... right now, living in the reality that He is in control is what is keeping me sane. It is not easy to question left and right what "God's will" really is . . . and so I must take comfort in the fact that whatever it is, it will come to pass regardless of any missteps I take along the way. Regardless of my short-lived and misdirected anger last week. Regardless of my current confusion about what next fall holds.

He is sovereign... Even when the future is uncertain... Even when His will is hidden from my feeble eyes. Even when life sucks. (Which, it really doesn't right now. But it could. And if it did... )

A Quick Word of Truth

"All sinful behavior is a wrong attempt at meeting basic needs. The essence of sin is man living independent of God who has said that He will meet all of our needs as we live out life "in Christ.""
- Neil T. Anderson; Victory Over the Darkness

Today, as I was driving, I was reminded by God that He has given us the sky. His gifts are so amazing!

And tonight, I am thankful for GIT and the way that it has uplifted me through prayer this year.

Cheers to a short week... thank God for Thanksgiving!