The Lord Searches All Hearts

"But I the Lord search all hearts
and examine secret motives,
I give all people their due rewards,
according to what their actions deserve." - Jeremiah 17:10

Look at this verse closely... how each line connects with the previous lines.
Were the first two lines missing, we might be tempted to believe that God's judgement for humans is based solely on their performance. Christians would, then, be right in their "Look at all the things I've done for the Lord" attitudes and their boasting would be more of a sign of their righteousness than a disgrace of their hearts.
But the first two lines inevitably do precede the second two. The Lord searches hearts and examines motives. Our rewards are not given based solely on performance, they are given based on performances that have sprung up from the roots of a pure heart, a heart with respectable motives. God has eyes that see deep into the heart... He alone can see whether or not His Word is taking root there. He alone can judge whether or not your performance is worthy of a reward.

It is not, then, that all humans are capable of running around doing wonderful things that truly please the Lord. No, many humans can do truly wonderful-seeming good deeds. Deeds that, after receiving worldly applause and recognition, Christians might see as honoring to God. They cannot be, however, honoring to the Lord when they have not been called forth by Him and the motives of the heart refuse to set themselves upon His will.
What good is it to do good when one has failed to center him or herself upon the ultimate Good?
How can one know, perceive, or discern "goodness" when he or she fails to discard presuppositions and worldly lens's in order to see from Christ's perspective by reading the Word and spending time in His presence?

God's system is fool-proof. He cannot be deceived. He will not be enamored by our many, fancy, eye-catching actions. He, Himself, has expressed how these deeds have tired him so (Isaiah 1:10-15). He wants not the deeds themselves but the heart from which good deeds are prone to grow.

What I want is that heart. The heart that pleases the Lord.
So many times lately I am forced to decide whether I will choose to do something that is completely submissive to God or something that is more my way than His.
And so many times lately, I have chosen the latter. Because the heart from which my actions stem, is prone not to "goodness" but to the evil in which it has been submerged, namely, by the world around me.
I cannot make a decision for Christ, that honors Christ, without spending time in His presence. If my heart is not heavy with Him and my mind is not full of his thoughts, I am walking alone.
There is this amazing quote that I love... and I cannot remember exactly how it goes but it is something like this:

I have too much of the Lord in me to enjoy the world, but I have too much of the world in me to enjoy the Lord.

This is the current dilemma of my life.
God, I want you - but I want my own thing too.
God, I want to serve you - but this music isn't affecting me that much.
God, You can have me - but I'll write up my own schedule.
God, I need to know Truth - but I just don't have time to think about it.
God, I give you everything - just runnin' a little short on cash these days.

I think if we are real with ourselves, we would all admit that we have these statements - these contrasts. They are statements that we don't like to admit exist because once we admit it we have to face the situation: are we going to let God be God, or are we going to try to take His place?

And I will tell you, so many times lately, I have willingly and knowingly said - ya know what, I'm more important. My feelings, my fun times, my feel-goods... they shouldn't be tinkered with... they are important. I haven't hesitated to pull out the ol' "Sometimes you just need to..." line lately. In fact, I probably can't even count the number of times my roommate and I have tossed around that phrase.

The ultimate question is, what am I going to do about it?
How will the actions that reflect the state of my heart be transformed?
Will I really sacrifice? Will I sacrifice to the point of every one making nervous jokes about it because "those kinds of sacrifices just aren't necessary"? (Because I'll have you know, I often make statements like that about goody-two-shoe Christians who don't seem to have a life outside of faith. Yes, I mock brothers and sisters in Christ who are striving more for the ultimate Good than I have ever even given thought to.) Will I sacrifice to the point of putting myself at risk of exposure to Satan because I am a threat to the territory he had once claimed?
Will I?

I do not know. I don't. *Shrugs* Because my heart is not heavy with God. Because I have not been in His presence and have only infrequently let my eyes rest on His Word. But I can tell you this - I want Him. I am not satisfied with the world - we do not agree.