I’m the kind of girl who… is easily defeated by negative comments.
And… Although I know what God has said about pleasing Him rather man, I’m the kind of girl who is still trying to please both.
So, even though I had an excellent day today… when I got home and heard a little something negative… It started to eat away within me.
Apparently my uncle and grandpa read and discussed the Thank You Letter I sent out … and decided to remind me that it was their hard-work that allowed me to go in the first place. (See the part where I mention the refreshing pace of Ethiopia). They felt that I shouldn't be
That’s really it. They just thought I needed to be set straight on that. But even the thought of being talked about behind by back disturbs my heart.
I can just hear the back-and-forth negative agreement on how off-base I am. How young. How immature. How ungrateful. Blah blah blah.
I know this is so minor. I know it doesn’t really matter what they say. I know I am justified in feeling what I felt during that trip and I know my experiences are real. But having to hear this today just served as another reminder that I’m an outsider in my own family. The place I was born, the people I was raised by, the familiar surroundings here… they will never equate to complete acceptance or comfort.
But… God knows this. Maybe He intends on using it. Maybe, I feel this very sadness in my soul, this very discomfort in my own home, because His plans aren’t for me to sink my feet in here. If home was a cherry pie for me, maybe I would never be drawn to new locations.
Besides... I don't really like cherry pie anyways. Do you?
Oh my Dear Dear Rachie,
ReplyDeleteI'm sad to hear of this, oh so sad. My dear girl, I would give all that I gave, just so you could do it again, because I know God wanted you there, just as much as you wanted to be there..
..You are a shining light in your family and even if they don't see it now or are trying to block it out with shades of blue to bring you down. Don't for you are the light they need to see and God is using you to bring them His light.
..Yuck, I do not like cherry pie. And I wish you to come say hi. to say good-bye. to those who do not understand exactly why. you fly. just come to me and say hi. maybe we could together find something better then a cherry pie.
I love you Rach!
#1 I love Anna's comment, so sweet.
ReplyDelete#2 I really really don't like cherry pie either. Does anyone?
#3 I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are WISE beyond your years. I mean that. Probably wiser than those who are being critical.
#4 I don't like negative feedback either. It stinks.
#5 I read, and re-read, your letter. I don't think you were saying anything is wrong with working etc, but just that it was refreshing to be where relationship and people seemed to be first. I didn't take what you wrote to be critical of Americans or your family etc.
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteImmature and ungrateful are two of the absolute last words that I would ever use to describe you.
Just remember...
...You're also the kind of girl who writes some of the most beautiful and thoughtful things I've ever read.
...You're also the kind of girl who isn't too embarrassed or too ashamed to share her introspections with the world.
...And you're also the kind of girl whose heart, even when deflated and defeated, still overflows with a love for others and still beats with the grace and mercy of her Father's heart.
-Rob
P.S. Apple pie for me.
P.P.S. I like the newly tweaked layout as well!