Worshipping me You

You would think, over the years, I would grow out of this desire to please myself. I would be able to hand my day over to you and sincerely seek for it to bring you all the glory and honor it can. You would think I wouldn’t still be subconsciously – or even consciously – wondering what the return will be for me.
But even now I wonder… I wonder if my worship is more for me than it is for you. Am I only putting in to see what I can get out? Is this an untraceable way of fulfilling my self-centered desires? It seems as if what is about me and what is about you is too meshed together to be broken up, pulled apart and understood… and perhaps, that’s how you intend our worship to be. What starts out as a self-seeking process to fill the hole inside turns into a life-long journey of meeting you, knowing you, and calling you our own. Perhaps this is all that the human intellect is capable of… perhaps there is no form of worship more sincere than this… to admit we are selfishly in need and then turn to you for the answer. This, I think, is still glorifying you. This, maybe, pleases you in the only way we can offer.


I know there is still room for growth in worship though. I trust that someday I will look back at who I am now and have a good laugh at some of my futile attempts to reach-you-to-serve-me. I trust that soul maturity will relinquish some of my guilt-filled frustrations in worshipping you. And I trust that you have storehouse of grace to be poured upon my life little by little each time I ask that will send me places I never dreamed of going.
But I wanted to take some time tonight to pronounce my desire to worship you… to bring you glory without interfering or claiming a bit for my own name. I want to tell you of my longing to release my life to you without questioning what’s in it for me.


I want to know that you have taken a good look at this staggering, faltering, often-failing servant of yours... and decided that I'm still worth it to you. I want the reassurance that although what I'm putting in is small (and may have confused causes) ... it is still enough for today. I want to love and be loved by you. Right here, in this moment... I worship you.